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🤢 2/5 - Virtus is living proof that not all Michelin restaurants
By 👻 @A. V., 11/20/2022 3:00 am
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Virtus is living proof that not all Michelin restaurants are good. Because we just dropped shy of €300 and this was one of the most disappointing meals we've ever wasted our money on. We showed up for our reservation and were promptly led through a 3/4 empty restaurant to the table right next to the toilette. When I asked for another table they made a great show of "checking to see" and then happily led us to our new table... right next to our last table next to the toilette. I kid you not, they moved us four feet. When I said that wasn't going to work either they made another Big Show of tapping their computer before leading back through the 3/4 empty main floor to a two seater tucked in a dismal corner with a view of the wall. This was our punishment for refusing to eat at the original table. I guess they were saving the seats at the window for the guy in the dirty T-shirt and scuffed sneakers who came later (not joking). And then the food started coming and it got *worse*. First, there's too much salt on these dishes which is Chef 101 bush league. Second, you get served a lot of courses that seem drowned in sauce. Don't get me wrong, the Parmesan sauce is great but it completely overpowers the asparagus to the point you can't taste the vegetable at all. Finding the right balance is Chef 102, right? Otherwise I'm just eating soup. And while the asparagus was grilled it came to the table stone cold so... what's the point? The fish was good, though I can get that at any bistro, but the surrounding clams were gritty with sand. Does this place not know how to purge clams? Seriously? I learned to do that when I was seven years old and digging clams in the Pacific Northwest. WTH? It's the sort of amateur hour shellfish preparation that makes you wonder if they clean their shrimp either or wipe their boogers on their pants. The deserts were exceptionally terrible and should automatically remove their Michelin Star. Seriously, these were the worst things I've ever had in my mouth, and I once ate dog soup in Makati. One was half a frozen lemon rind filled with wince inducing nuclear citron ice cream topped with saffron which was about a gagging as it sounds. The second was a white Hostess Ding-Dong thing sitting on a bed of ice inside what can only be described as a porcelain chamber pot. The whole thing was so cold every bite made your fillings hurt. I literally watched the couple next to us eat theirs and their faces wrinkled like Kleenex with every bite. It's a special kind of hell when you enjoy others suffering just so you don't feel alone. When the best thing this kitchen can offer is the amuse bouche, you're in trouble. This restaurant is bullsh*t. This chef is bullsh*t. The staff may be mentally deficient as they all have that glassy smile that morons always have when they're f**kin' up your sh*t. How is it possible the Michelin reviewers had even a decent meal here? I seriously don't know what they were thinking. Because the very next night we ate at a Bib gourmand rated restaurant in the 13th arrondissement and that was *amazing*. Truly a spectacular meal. That chef could cook circles around the clown show at Virtus. That crew deserves a star not this utter embarrassment of a restaurant. Not to get all Werner Herzog about it but this place 'snuffs out the light of being in the darkness of the universe and mocks human existence.' On the bright side, the wine was good. So stick with things they don't make.
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